


What to Expect When All Your Boyfriend's Friends Are Dead

by wellthen



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/F, F/M, M/M, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-21
Updated: 2015-02-21
Packaged: 2018-03-14 07:59:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,119
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3402935
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wellthen/pseuds/wellthen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tonks tries to cheer Remus up with a trip to Hogwarts.  In retrospect: not her best plan.</p>
            </blockquote>





	What to Expect When All Your Boyfriend's Friends Are Dead

Tonks had no interest in nostalgia when she and Remus headed to Hogwarts to help patch holes in the school's defenses- she just wanted to have some fun. Fun had been a near impossibility for her and pretty much everyone she knew since the Order's encounter in the Department of Mysteries- but fun had seemed particularly elusive for Remus. 

Tonks had punched Lupin in the arm when they volunteered for the assignment. "Come on old man! Let's go visit your old stomping grounds!" Lupin's smile was as well worn as his robes, but he tried to match Tonks' exuberance. "Alright- I'd like to relive the glory days." 

Later Tonks wondered how she could have thought visiting the place that most reminded Lupin of his dead friends would be fun. "Ah yes, beloved!" she muttered under her breath, putting the finishing touches on a jelly legs hex triggered by picking the lock on the door to the House Elves' dormitory. "Let's return to the site of your most treasured memories, the major players in which are primarily dead and buried. Happy honeymoon!" 

Remus, to his credit, had played the role of "generally happy and not traumatized partner" with as much gaiety as he could muster, stealing eclairs from the faculty table in the Great Hall, feigning disapproval at the fact that "they had let so many children into Hogwarts this year," and cackling with laughter when Tonks, in a moment of desperate glee, transformed into Severus Snape in the middle of the library, sending a group of first years, two third years, and at least one fifth year running in the opposite direction. 

But for all of their pretenses, there were moments they couldn't ignore- the tightness behind Lupin's laugh, the way his eyes glazed over as they walked down particular hallways. Even the charming way that Remus would gently touch her elbow, guiding her in another direction ("shall we take a detour, then?") masked a reaction to a unearthed reminder of deep pain. 

Tonks really was pants at this "relationship with a man whose friends are all dead" thing.  
_  
She had asked Sirius about Remus' sadness once, before Sirius went and fell behind a curtain to a horrible and mysterious fate. Taking the advice of a Muggle band Ted turned to full volume when he thought his daughter had Apparated off to work ("If you wanna be my lover/ya gotta get with my friends"), she invited Sirius out to a pint. 

Since he was an escaped convict on the run from soul sucking demons, this meant she actually put up a card table and two folding chairs in one of the less creepy rooms of his house, setting a jug and two glasses on the table with a wham. The table wobbled as Sirius surveyed the room with a raised eyebrow. 

"Almost like The Three Broomsticks." 

Tonks' hair changed immediately into long flowing blonde locks, her face heart shaped- the image of Madam Rosmerta, with perhaps a bit of an exaggeration on the cleavage front. "I can keep doing this if it helps you maintain the illusion," she said, cocking her hips and washing an invisible glass with her t-shirt. Sirius laughed and clapped her on the back. "She's a bit old for you, don't you think?" Tonks waggled her eyebrows, some of the effect lost as she returned to her usual face. 

Sirius took a sip of his pint and regarded her slyly. "So what do you have to talk to me about that requires both the privacy of my father's old study and plying me with liquor? Not that I'm complaining." 

Tonks smiled, and took her own sip. "I was just wondering- ah. Remus. He's very sad. Is it because he's single? As his best mate, do you have any ideas on how to cheer him up, preferably that fall into the romantic date category? I figure a moonlight walk is out, but is there something he might like during the day, or before right before it's full? Any music he's into? You're the biggest Lupin expert I know, so I thought maybe you'd have some insight on how to- uh. woo him."

Sirius face went dark for a moment, staring into his glass. "Well. Hm." He took another sip of his pint.  
"I can't say anything about his current status. And in terms of romantic dates, or things that might cheer him up in that capacity- well. Most the things I've tried require the ability to transform into a giant dog, so I'm not that much help on that front." 

Tonks hadn't heard him right. Who else but Sirius could turn into a giant dog? Only Sirius. Which meant. Right. Hm.  
She was mid-sip when the implications hit her, and tried very, very hard not to do a spittake. To cover, she gulped down a bit more of her beer than she had intended. 

Sirius continued, thinking out loud. "I suppose, after a lifetime of loneliness, unemployment, and fear that we human wizards can only imagine, it's not fair of us to expect him to be a very happy man. Or at least, that was always my problem. When we were together, I was always trying to make him laugh- and sometimes, that just wasn't possible. 

Tonks nodded, trying to keep her face neutral, or at least from growing an extra nose, as it sometimes did when she was nervous.  
This conversation had taken a surprising turn from "so does your mate like walks on the beach or candlelit dinners better" to "what's your ex-lover's psychological profile and how can I use it to seduce him?"

"It's hard to have a sunny disposition when you wake up from a night of the most excruciating pain imaginable three times a month. Or when your first question when you wake on those days must always be 'did I hurt anyone last night?'" he thought for a moment. "Though I suppose it was always nice when I could answer 'just me, but I asked for it.'" He grinned over the table at Tonks, showing all his teeth. 

She tried to ignore her brain's excitement while processing this new information ("yes! Remus is both kinky AND queer!") and focus on more immediate concerns ("is his ex-boyfriend going to kill me right now?"), her inner Mad-Eye kicking in. If he turns into a dog I can turn into something like that bodybuilding bloke I saw a few weeks ago, she thought, sipping her pint. Can I reach my wand without him noticing? "So... knowing all that. Would it be okay for me to... ask him to a drink?"

Sirius continued to stare at her, his eyes unreadable. 

"I don't know why you're asking me," he said at last. "He's an adult and so are you. He doesn't need a permission slip to get to Hogsmeade. The two of you even could go to a real pub- not to downplay the charm of this fine establishment." He gestured to the prominent cobwebs in the corners of the room, the bookshelf still filled with titles like "The Muggle Born: Half Wit or Heathen?"

She smiled tentatively at him, happy to avoid having to remember the nonverbal Stunning spell. "So- you're okay with that, then? The us going to pubs and potentially something more?" Sirius looked at her again- but this time he smiled. "Well, it doesn't matter, does it? What matters is that ol' Moony finds your best Madam Rosmerta impression charming." 

This was of course, the healthy response, but Tonks wasn't leaving what had suddenly become a very painful conversation without some slightly unhealthy tacit approval. She opened her mouth to argue, and Sirius sighed.

"Alright, listen. Think of this way. I'm 12 years in the past, after Azkaban. I'm still rooting for the Wimborne Wasps - I don't really quite understand what the Weird Sisters do, beyond make noise. And catching up on pop culture is the easy part. It'll be a while, if I ever catch up with anything else. We tried our best, when I went on the run- I tried my best- but Remus doesn't live in the past, nor should he. And if he's never going to get over his thing for the Black family, I'd rather him be with one of the few of us who can make him laugh. He needs someone who make him laugh. And all my jokes are too dated. You understand me?"

Tonks did, but it was fucking bleak.

"I do Sirius, but it's fucking bleak." 

He smirked, leaning back in his chair and taking another sip of his beer. "That's true- but rooming with a bunch of criminals and soul suckers for a decade didn't exactly leave me with a sunny disposition either. Now if you'll excuse me, I have some brooding to do. Cheers, Dora."

He sauntered out, whistling an early Hippogriffs song she barely recognized. Tonks tried not to entertain any of her whirling thoughts ("What must it be like to be in Azkaban for 12 years?" "Do Sirius and I have a family resemblance?" "I wonder what dog on werewolf sex is like?" "How could anyone think that the Weird Sisters are just noise??") for too long. She finished the last of her pint, then his, and traipsed down the dark staircase towards the door. 

She stopped in the kitchen, where Remus was reading. Molly had found a book of dark charms while cleaning, and he was marking notes about counter hexes on each page. 

"Oy, Lupin- have a minute?"  
_  
And here she was now, walking shoulder to shoulder with Remus' sadness, their footsteps echoing through the halls of Hogwarts. Sirius and his predatory grin had disappeared behind the curtain, doubling the weight of grief on Remus' shoulders and leaving no one to ask advice from when his smile disappeared for weeks at a time. 

Though it had never felt like a battle for Remus' love between her and her cousin when he was alive, sometimes Tonks wondered if it had been- and Sirius had won the final round by dying. Dead people never say childish things about grief, Tonks thought, or drag their partners to the place that most reminds them of their dead friends. She cursed herself. One of the main advantages she had over Sirius was that she wasn't dead- and that she could be there for Remus when he needed her. ...Like now. Right. 

She stopped in her tracks. "Oy- I just remembered a door that needs hexing before we leave." He looked confused, but followed her as she turned down the next hall, went past the library, up the staircase that led to Hufflepuff's common room, and stepped behind a portrait of a very amiable, very drunk 15th century monk. 

When she finally stopped in front of an inconspicuous looking wall, Remus looked even more confused. "The Room of Requirement needs a protection spell?" he asked. Tonks nodded seriously. "But we'd better take a look inside first," she said, closing her eyes. When she opened them, a small black door barely taller than Remus appeared. She pushed the door open and stepped through, Remus behind her. 

They both stared around the room in awe.  
Every part of the room's wall, ceiling, and floor space was covered in dog care supplies: brushes, dog treats, chew toys, pillows, even an oversized spike collar. There were enormous leashes, reinforced with goblin steel as to be indestructible even by werewolf standards, and a gold plated water bowl. Tonks picked up a giant rubber toy in the shape of a newspaper. "Remus, go long!" she said, hiking the toy like a football.  
He stared at the room, his eyebrows furrowed and mouth open as if he was about to shout. For a moment, Tonks thought she had a made a huge mistake. Then his face relaxed, and he chuckled. He began to laugh, and then laughed harder, not stopping until he was almost falling over, leaning against one of the dog kennels for support. Tonks laughed too, partially from the relief of seeing him smile. 

"I thought you needed a spa day," she explained, chucking the rubber newspaper away. "One that appealed to your wolfier side." Lupin smiled, using the sleeve of his robes to wipe away tears. "Fair enough. I suppose neither me or the wolf have been particularly good company lately." He put his arms around her waist, and drew her closer. "Thank you." he whispered into her ear. "I don't need a wolf spa world, just you." 

He grabbed her hand and the two of them surveyed the room.  
"Though I can't pretend I don't find that steel leash over there interesting..."


End file.
